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Health & Fitness

Weekend of Domestic Goddess-ness

Cats + vodka + televison = I need to reevaluate my life.

So, I’m getting married in a few short weeks.  My betrothed’s friends dutifully marched him off to some unknown location (Philadelphia) to do terrible things (eat steaks; hang out with strippers; drink).  How this group of vagabonds could pull this off from all corners of the country, but are utterly incapable of putting a response card in the mail that already has postage is beyond me.

No matter.

I have this whole weekend to myself.  Great.  I will call the girls.  We will have so much fun.  We will drink wine and eat cheese and talk about people behind their backs.   I won’t even think about some high school dropout named Misty wrapping her glitter-covered legs around the body of my dearly beloved.  

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Right?

Friend 1:  Out of town for a wedding
Friend 2:  Out of town for a wedding
Friend 3:  Out of town for a wedding
Friend 4:  Out of town for a wedding
Friend 5:  Flying back from Africa
Friend 6:  Out of town for a wedding

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Hmmm.

OK, new plan:  Weekend of Domestic Goddess-ness!  I will do all of the household projects we’ve been putting off - reorganize the closets, clean out the trunk, laundry.  

You know how every day you get up for work and think, “Man, if I didn’t have to go to work, I would accomplish sooooo much today.”  That’s how I felt about this weekend.  No distractions.  I will be at my peak productivity.  Starting tomorrow.  

Let me tell you, if I ever thought I could be a stay-at-home anything, this weekend shattered my notions of it.  I’m can't.  When left to my own devices, I choose to do nothing.

FRIDAY


6:05pm – Getting my nails did.  Ahhh, this is the life.  I love the March 2009 issue of Cosmo.  It’s a classic.
7:05 pm – Home.  There is nothing on TV.
7:06pm – Glass of wine should help.
7:38pm – Refill glass, play with cats.
8:30pm - Glass of wine 3.  Watching America’s Test Kitchen.  Have decided I am qualified to make pot roast.  Will triumphantly greet fiancé on Sunday with meat and potatoes.
9:30pm - Bottle of wine 2 open.  I should make an overly complicated dessert to accompany said pot roast.  I am, after all, a gourmet chef.  I’m also going to write a novel.  And learn to fly.  I should write all of these ideas down for my blog.  

                       Transcript of Notes:
                          Wine 
                          Hungry 
                          Novel
                          Cats are staring at me
                          Write novel about cats
                          Learn to fly (wings?  mutation?  jet pack?)

10:30pm - Go to bed with make-up on.  Start over tomorrow.


SATURDAY


I did not go outside on Saturday.  First of all, the farmer’s market on Columbia Pike is on Sunday and I’m not some uninformed American consumer that buys meat at a (gasp!) Safeway.  OK I am, but I try to go to the farmer’s market as much as possible and it’s on Sunday.  Also, why make a HUGE dessert for just the two of us?  Sort of a waste, right?  

With those items scratched off the to do list, I had the whole day ahead of me.

I did not do the following things:

1.  Anything I had planned to do.

I did do the following things:

1.  Polish off left over pizza for breakfast.
2.  Make nachos with cheese not meant for nachos, resulting in (I didn’t know this was possible) bad nachos.
3.  Oversee delivery of new coffee table.
4.  Attempt to keep cats off of new coffee table.
5.  Concede that the cats will be permanently sleeping on coffee table.
6.  Watch 7 hours of Alias on DVD.  (P.S.  I’m so sorry I wasn’t watching this show when it was on.  I’m totally convinced I can be a undercover CIA agent/linguist/ninja.  That flies.)
7.  Order and consume $40 worth of Thai food.
8.  Drunkenly order Pay-per-view.

Which brings us to....TADA!  MOVIE REVIEWS, with VODKA!


Since I was (abandoned, alone, pathetic) happily on my own for the evening, I took the opportunity to watch some romcoms that we Beltway intellectuals can’t admit we love in enlightened company.  This is a judgment free zone.

Life As We Know It
Katherine Heigl; Josh Duhamel
PROS:  Lots of Josh Duhamel with no shirt on
CONS:  Katherine Heigl sucking away every available piece of your soul; Josh Duhamel with his shirt on

Basic plot is boy and girl hate each other, their friends die and leave them a kid, they fall impossibly in love with each other.  I hope I didn’t ruin that for anyone.  Notably, this movie marks the return of the guy from Sweet Home Alabama that wasn’t Patrick Dempsey – IMDB is telling me his name is Josh Lucas.  His hairline hasn’t fared so well over the years.  Also notable is that if you are 3 drinks deep, you will definitely cry during this movie because you’re an emotional snake pit.  QUESTION:  Is it that the same house from Father of the Bride?

No Strings Attached
Ashton Kutcher; Natalie Portman
PROS:  OMG Ashton Kutcher is sort of adorable again; Ludacris (yes, “this is why you take a ho to ho-tel” Ludacris);  High School Musical spoof
CONS:  Unnecessary back story;  I ran out of mixers and am now drinking vodka-water, on the rocks.

Two friends start doing it then fall in love.  Drama ensues.  Ludacris doles out sage advice.  Happily Ever After.  I really prefer Natalie Portman when she’s not taking herself so seriously.   I’m ready to forgive Ashton Kutcher for the whole Demi Moore thing.  He’s too cute.  Even if he is married to an 85 year old.

Thank you for reading the first installment of MOVIE REVIEWS, with VODKA!

I watched a little Saturday Night Live, too, but all I could think about is whether or not Jason Sudekis is January Jones’ baby daddy.

SUNDAY
I awaken bleary, 36-hours into my (lonliness, capitivity) relaxation.  It is time to face the world.  And make pot roast.  

I actually made it to the farmer’s market and grocery store and replaced all of the wine that had evaporated mysteriously over the weekend.

Pot roast is a go, I repeat, a go.  I’m tying on my apron strings.

Phone rings.  

JENI AND MATT ARE ENGAGED!!!!!

I drop everything and rush over to their apartment and drink champagne on their roof.  For 6 hours.

I am picked up by my wayward fiancé on his way home from bachelor party.  

MONDAY

He made me pot roast.

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